Why We Chose Peaceful Parenting
No Yelling Challenge: Day 4
Recently blogging mom of The Three Gerbers pointed out to me that there is a no yelling challenge happening over at The Orange Rhino that has been going on for quite some time before I started my challenge. I at times live in my own little bubble. She has some really good pointers that are worth checking out.
I decided to be a peaceful parent when my daughter was first diagnosed with Autism. I didn't decide because she has Autism. My decision was made because as we entered the world of therapy it was filled with behavioral intervention plans, many of which I was uncomfortable with.
I wanted a child that was free to explore her world, her way. While our family does use rewards and consequences, I personally did not like the frequency that the therapists wanted us to use them.
I didn't like the idea of telling a child how to properly play with a toy, and if they rejected that idea with a tantrum to put them in time-out.
I didn't like the idea of taking away something my child was engaged in, in attempts to get her to engage with me. No matter how painful it was that she wouldn't engage with me, at least she was engaged and learning.
I didn't like the idea of forcing a two year old to sit still at the table or be threatened with a time-out.
I didn't like turning play into a session of reward or consequence.
So, I went looking into different Facebook groups and forums aimed at peaceful parenting. I was shocked at just how non-peaceful and judgmental the environments of those groups were.
You don't co-sleep? You do co-sleep? You don't breast feed? You breast feed in public? You don't unschool? You don't go to public school? You use discipline? You don't discipline? What's wrong with you?
You vaccinate? You can't complain that your child is disabled you did that to her...yes, I have actually been told this.
And it left me thinking, how could these people possibly be peaceful parents if they can't be peaceful among each other? I have since found an amazing group that I love called Free Your Kids.
Every family has different needs. And, every family is going to use different methods to reach those needs. The goal is to raise your child in the most peaceful manner that you are capable of.
This entire rant is because I got an email telling me that if I spanked my children I wouldn't have to yell at them. That they would just jump in line and do as told. And for a moment I felt like I was a new parent trying to find what parenting style fits me and my family.
And my fingers were itching to send back a rant filled not-so-nice email...
Yes, my parenting choices may make raising children that listen a bit more of a difficult task. The thing is I don't want children who respect authority just because they are authority. I want children who think for themselves, experience their childhood world with a freedom only a child can have, and give genuine respect.
And you know what? For the most part it is working.
Day four of no yelling. I have only lost it once when orange juice got sprayed in my eye...that stung in a way only not so nice words can explain.
Hope you guys are doing well. Looking forward to hearing your progress. You can join in on the discussion here!
